The SMD: Double Dutch

The most indicative sign of the times we live in, are those noticed when you spend time with a group of modern youngsters. This isn't a news flash or an unexplored theme here at the SMD, but it continues to boggle my mind all the time, sending me scrambling for a solution to it's residual effects. Effects that both Logan and I, daily, rebel against by nature.
We have always delighted in her respective stages, enjoying that age as much as possible without letting loose all her "big girl" strides (it's harder than it sounds at times, but completely worth it) and until she started school, it wasn't a blip on the radar too often. The blips were fewer and farther between, at least.
She's spent the majority of her time around older people as opposed to other children, but an only child has that cross to bear, and it's a good thing more often than not. She's always held accountable for things she knows better of, in the best and worst. This school year has been a bitter pill socially though, and it has everything to do with her defense mechanisms and the influences she's feeling torn by.

How tragic it is to witness the attitude, sophistication and morals she's immersed in resemble that of Sweet Valley High rather than Sesame Street. She has to jarringly bounce between the two worlds: the safety zone of accepting home life and the ongoing teen-like drama of the 1st grade (there's something really wrong with that last part), just to survive. So very foreign, this concept, at such a young age.

Yesterday she was recognized at an awards ceremony, by her teacher and principal for a whopping reading level escalation this trimester, and for perfect attendance. She is now a level above where they hope the students in her grade to be at the end of the year, with a few months to spare. She jumped ten levels, the little dickens. I'm beyond proud of her for accomplishing that at all, let alone under these emotional circumstances, and I told her so. They need to hear that stuff as often as possible, and so many don't. This feat was accomplished by the harnessing her frustratingly/ brilliantly selective focus and fortitude (and my dogged insistence she apply herself, but that's my job and the whole point of me being at home with her) despite any fatigue she comes home drenched in.
The same skill set that she possesses to achieve such accolades is the very one that causes her to stumble in the social world, and I noticed it yesterday. There she stood, getting an impressive award, and after all was said and done and we came up to her to congratulate, a group of her friends stood by with thinly veiled contempt for her. Or maybe it was AT her. It was hard to witness proof that originals aren't really encouraged completely, when there are so many types of necessary conformity at this age. It's a hard concept to grasp at any point in life, hard to be different when sameness is affluent and easier.

It's not the kids' fault, either. Alot of her peers/older kids she's exposed to on the bus, haven't had the privilege of a parent/care giver around to cultivate that in them, good bad or indifferent. No one's fault, but no ones' immediate duty either, when providing food and clothing and a roof over their heads trumps all other finer points. No judgement, as we all do what we have to do (and these are tyring times that keep getting trying-er), but there's still collateral damage to deal with, everyday for everyone involved. Our family deals with the converse, and neither is a pic-nic, I know that. Parenting is just so impossible sometimes, we all deserve medals of honor just for any positive result or semblance of balance we can achieve. I mean that.

On this hyper speed maturity crash course, all of them are trying their best to assert/be themselves, while blending in effectively. Society is a sticky wicket, it really is. Stand out and strive for success they're told, but get nailed for doing so by those that you most want to be stoked for you, your friends/peers. In my experiences growing up, I was confronted with these issues much farther down the pike (like, Jr. high farther), and I'm flat-out pissed that Logan has to go through this while she's just getting the hang of this school thing. But such is their quickened journey. She/they are just as screwed as we are as parents-damned if they do, damned if they don't, and damned if they can fix it consistently, half the time for one reason or another. That's important to remember, as we watch them mutate from what we know to what they choose to be. Even if we don't relate to it as much as we once did, we're growing and learning as they are.

This school year is almost over, and I'm as relieved as Logan is. Perhaps a smidgen more. Hopefully this next go-round will be more grounded, more even, more fun for her. I know my little one can do whatever she wants in her life, school or otherwise, like everyone can, and it's pointless to waste your gifts just to blend in. That much she's learned. I've passed on the best tools I myself employ, and tried my hardest to inspire kindness to herself and others, even when it's the hardest road to take. That's all we can do, really. If only I could grab her hand and transport her to the future for a few moments, where she'll see that all her attributes that caused her grief growing up, allow her to succeed in her adult life...that would be helpful quantum leap. Until such is possible, the jumps we sustain will be to keep standing. And that's good enough, when we're still learning the ropes.