The neighborhood kids we were once excited to befriend, are a lot more complicated to be friends with, turns out. Logan is trapped in the frantic middle, as this particular playground is also her home turf. We witness multiple unsavory acts and hear hellacious phrases from this Viking brood roaming the grounds. Separately, they're alright. They can focus past cuss words and physical lashings enough to converse on their favorite super heroes, or how school was that day. Lump them together, however and it's a disparaging, lowbrow extravaganza.
When Logan has been allowed to join, she turns into one of them herself. Upon return, Maybel catches grief simply for being younger and unable to tell her to back off. Us adults catch grief for expecting more of her and we have residual fights to that end. As yucky as those consequences are, I can't help but feel for the wild bunch outside, even as they disappoint and infuriate. I know they don't have anyone counteracting all the damage they sustain out there or they wouldn't be in this mess. We've tried to bridge the gap when we can-a pizza party here, a listening ear and positive word there-but we shan't help them over our own, especially when Logan gets ganged up on and hurt inevitably. Bullying is the new black (either giving or receiving), for so many kids.
We waffled on letting her outside to play for the first few months. We instructed her on how to avoid the undesirables while still accommodating her need to mix it up with her peers. Lordy knows she ain't innocent herself at times, but no one deserves to be harassed or made fun of en masse. After many trials and a few more errors, we concluded that no-mans land isn't worth it, and instead we will be accompanying her to the park, for social and physical exertion.
Only problem is, now she has to endure the kids carrying on without her, within ear/eye shot.For a social kid like her, it's torturous. She has to be the even odder man out, and the kids that once walked to school with us or enjoyed a juice box with on occasion, are now not so included. The stress we try to alleviate still rests on everyones' shoulders in a new way.
My way has always been to go solo if there's no one on the same page as me, while Logan prefers to chase down someone to play with regardless of conflict. It's been a challenge to meet in the middle. Now that she's older than a toddler, whatever bad influence she's exposed to rubs off instantly, out of sheer survival. How difficult it is, to resonate love and kindness and understanding, while she watches her peers shove the opposite at her constantly. And what a kerfuffle it is for those meanie-heads hacking it in society. Now and later.
Like Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., I believe that you can only replace negative with positive. It's Law of Attraction. I can't allow them to treat Logan with such disregard, but be so disgusted that I turn into an adult version of that. I can't single out Logan and stress her out incessantly over this stuff. She's almost eight (not twenty-eight), and has plenty time to right the wrongs within herself, and it's up to her anyway. More often she needs a hug and some quality time, not a lecture. I know if we choose kindness in the face of ugliness, we'll all be better for it no matter what the circumstances are.
Focus on yourself (which is the only element you really can control), keep your head up and ignore the others sipping on Haterade and slingin' mud. Lead by example and stay positive, even as you avoid it all together. I'll strive to keep her as fulfilled as possible without them in her sphere, until she finds a better fitting flock.
Kids getting the shit end of the stick, whether it's Logan assimilating or the neighbor kids demonstrating, the consequences of turd burger behaviour, the crap stress it puts on others and the difficult interpersonal bullshit we all have to wade through as humans, will always be there in some form. I'm thankful we have the option to flush it all away and start fresh, every day.
Friday, March 15, 2013
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