Blendship

As you get older, the need to maintain friendships dwindles. The want may never fade, but the dogged pursuit of unnecessary bros and subsequent compromise...it grows less urgent with time and maturity (hopefully). When a bond does last, however, it is a beautiful, awesome, life affirming thing. I had the privilege of spending time with two very special friends this past weekend (sparking a few new friendships and reviving a few old ones in the process). I was a bridesmaid in the wedding of one, and the house guest (for the wedding trip) of another. Couldn't have had one without the other. I'm thankful and delighted to witness the people they've become, for at times it seemed like we'd never mix up again.

Lifestyle is the king pin in relationships. Quitting a certain drug or getting married or deciding to be a lion tamer can either strengthen or snap a bond in twain. My particular friendship killer was moving to California to pursue my life goals and get the eff out of the blizzardry. It's a word. Before I left the first time, I knew I had a handful of friends that cared about me and my life and all that jazz. By the time I came back with my first kiddo in tow, that number was down significantly but I was knee deep in being a young, first time mom, so I didn't really notice. Kids are the number one killer of inane friendships, by the way, rightfully so. Then I filled in the gaps while I was back in town, re-connecting with the best of them and drinking my anxieties away. Drinking even a hangnail away, really.

Then I rallied and moved back to Cali, and those bonds that I cemented the three years I was back, took a hit. I suppose I played yo-yo with emotions, quite unintentionally. The visits I had back since to the ol' hometown have always been split between familial obligations and a want to keep those few lasting connections. It was often too much to do and too many to see for it to be satisfying, though. Then I joined Facebook-or the modern day town crier/gossip that doubles as your personal publicist who you check in with a minimum of 38 times a day-and it became both easier and harder to stay connected. I watched as the relationships I thought I had strained a bit under the contrast of closeness. I started not wanting to comment on photos or post my own, simply because, what's the point? We are different people day to day so how can you rely on any friendship, really?

So then the wedding trip came together. I was a bit nervous to be seeing long lost faces, as I was nervous to be staying out of town without my family by my side. Like NO family. Friend only, this time around. Plus I'd be staying with one friend and partaking in festivities with the other. The old twenty-something me would have blown a gasket at that loyalty clustercuss (ten points for that movie reference if you get it right). But instead of stressing (as the old me would have) I just went with it. I am so delighted that I did so, all weekend.

As I went through the events that surround both a three day off stint and a wedding, I realized some wonderful things. I realized that those who truly know you, will rise to meet your needs. You won't have to ask, they'll do you a solid every time. I realized that the closest person to you may still learn something new, something that you couldn't tell anyone before. Timing takes a big part in what is said. I learned that no matter how well you plan, you have to give yourself over to the moment, and if you picked your people right, you'll have a blast every time. The small stuff won't be a big deal, when the big stuff is so well preserved. I learned that even if you've gained a few pounds or lost a few hairs, the core you that is you, is shining on brilliantly, no matter what. And if you pick your people well, they love you for that shining brilliance alone.

 I knew all of this before, but to realize it spontaneously again, made the whole experience all the more magical. Not that the raucous bar convos, the late night heart to hearts, the laughter, the MANY MANY drinks, the gorgeous rainbow, the sporadic silliness, the tearful tenderness, the relaxed elegance, the humble talent, the warm memories (past and presently made), the copious witty exchanges and above all the unconditional love didn't contribute...it did.

How thankful I am that finally, life is no longer a bunch of ingredients clobbering the next for palatable recognition, but rather every easy component mixing deliciously. To have those around to help in whatever way the are able make that happen for you, is a true joy.

I know I couldn't possible re-cap to a satisfying degree, so I won't try. The regurgitation is never as good as the meal itself, if you catch my breeze. Something sacred. I did have a wonderful time, dashed lightly with near panic attack inducing hangovers, but no matter. It was well worth it, all of it coming out in the wash of life's awesomeness. I looked into the eyes of my best friend, two times over that weekend, each pair reflecting a particular strand of myself, yet the best possible sum of it's whole. It's a good feeling, one I recall in the moments since, in their absence.

To my ladies, Jiffy and the Meerkat, I love thee always. And to my other lovelies: Max, Laruelini, the Chihuahua, Head, T-Dub, Adamantium, Mandita, Eric B, Effin' Mahoney, Molly J and the rest who I bonded with randomly...It was a pleasure and I can't wait to pick up where we left off.