The SMD: Light At Last

Us mamas work in reiteration like Van Gogh in toxic, edible paints. It's necessary for our craft but, boy howdy, is it monotonous. I've gone months with the same phrase of discipline on replay like a solo Mantra for Dummies seminar that I can't leave. "Clean your mess" and "Treat others with love and respect" aren't just life lessons and skills to hone, but daily, grating audio backdrops. You doubt they hear you, care or the longest shot, that they are retaining any knowledge you're dropping all over them. How sweet it is when you catch them connecting the dots in thought and/or practice.

Many firsts have happened this year for the Loganator and myself. First year of school (battling germs and influences of others), first time being a steady volunteer (love it for the kiddos, hate the politics), first time remaining in a place that we have no real support system (and succeeding at all with flying colors, if I might subtly toot me ol' horn). When the "firsts" occur, "indefinatelys" are sure to follow, and all the dogged coaching along the way. We trudge, soldier, and keep keepin' on.


I've recently become part of a twosome (refer to The SMD: My Own Betrayer for any backlog on how rare it is that I am legitimately), something that single children are none-too pleased about, especially if the single child has a single mama as her only touchstone. And vice versa.

It's been quite the awkward roller coaster at times...Logan's idea of men is slightly skewed and limited. From her dad not being in the picture to her Grand dad and uncles being around two to three times a year with minimal interaction in between, she tends to struggle with the masculine and where they fit, I've been both for her all her life.


We made our annual trek to Wyoming for the holidays this year (let me sum it up: COLD, family elation/drama, friend elation/drama, wonderful gifts, hellatious travel), and around the fourth or fifth day, my dad mentioned to me that Logan had been a lot cooler to him this trip. I queried for details, and he said in his gruff, comforting, blue-collar-stoic growl "just in general".


You don't have to be Freud to figure that one, but it warmed the very crevices of my heart to hear. Lo and behold, the living, breathing standard to which us ladies hold up all potential dudes to (with all the heart rending results) is giving me props on how my daughter (by-product of a major previous potential dude and I), relates to him. I know that consistently having a male individual around that's joyously plays with her, backs me up discipline wise and shows us love and affection openly has helped her realize all the broken record talks about trust and navigating relationships with men in her life, aren't just words. How awesome for her, and all three of us together. Well, four if you count dad. Seems wrong not to.

The other big one has been the petition for a pet. Logan is hell bent on getting a little white mouse or a chameleon, or a kitten or the holy grail: a puppy. Homegirl can't even put her dishes in the kitchen or clean up her Moon Sand (damn the Moon Sand!) without a good ten minute prodding. I intimated long ago that in order to have a pet, she needs to get her poop in a group and start showing-not telling-how she is responsible enough to take on another living creature and be it's soul benefactor. Before bed last week, she had a revelation (all her best ones come at that particular time, where mine are in the shower). "Mama...I think I'm going to be good. I'm going to help out and even make friends with Randy more." Randy is the plus-sized odd duck in class, one that Logan is hesitant to needlessly include in anything, so I know she's really thought about this if she's mentioning him. I responded that I'm proud of her decision, hope she'll see it through.


The next day she came home with a teal star (meaning she was awesome in class), and an ear-to-ear grin that came from not just the years of pep-talks on responsibility/good leadership finally making sense, but the fact that she was the captain in command of it all. It was one of the best moments at the bus stop to date. No pet yet, but she's getting there.


It's starting to feel like I'll be at Logan's graduation ceremony by the end of 2011, how fast it goes. Enjoying the journey is paramount. I know that this tunnel to decent, thriving adulthood we're sculpting together is dark, dreary and claustrophobic at times. Then that dawn breaks, and we can see our work ahead ain't so bad after all.