The SMD: Green Eyed Visitor

When multiple kids are requesting your attention, it's hard to pay mind to your own offspring sometimes. Every day of classroom time drives that one home, and upon a recent week long visit by friends from my home town in Wyoming, it was literally driven to our home. Logan being an only child, she struggles with time sharing-well, sharing in general, but we're constantly working on it-and above all, attention sharing. God love her, she puts the lousy in jealousy.


I waited an hour prior to the airport pick-up to even let her know of their forth coming visit. It's a shame she even knows the general time of year that major holidays and gift giving occasions occur, because it's the same scenario of, "How long 'til it's time? Mama! How long? THAT LONG!?!? But so...like...an hour...?" for DAYS/WEEKS on end until it really IS time. Upon hearing we would have a long time friend of mine and her three kiddos for a week (whom were some of her first friends), she was literally bouncing with excitement. After the obligatory "be a good hostess, best behavior and remember you're my number one" pep talk, she dashed off, curls flailing behind her, to draw them all a welcome picture. Hours, we've spent, discussing a playmate/pet/brother or sister for her. When she gets the chance to have one, it's always eagerly received, especially now that this particular bout will be on her turf. That always helps ease the pain, you'd think. Our jam packed agenda of (long awaited no less) Legoland, Disneyland, Chuck E. Cheese and then also beach and library to boot, didn't help her resolve, I'll grant her that. She was still enjoying herself, despite needing her own space and meltdowns to that effect. Then reality sets in.

By the third day, all the pent up "PAY ATTENTION TO ME ONLY!!!" came rushing out, and it was really upsetting for us both. It started when I fudged on the house rules a little. I let the other two girls slide off the side of the couch, flopping onto a pillow below, as they thought it was hilarious. Bending the rules on occasion is worth why we have them, I believe, and Logan knows I do it for her as the situation demands. None the less, she watched with a look of utter what-the-hell-mom-you-don't-let-me-do-that glaring on her face for a few minutes. She was also appreciative and kinda happy that the other two girls were giggling and having fun, though. She took a few turns herself, and then suggested it be my turn. She stood at my side and waited as I drew out the sliding off portion (for dramatic effect, naturally), then as soon as I made contact with the pillow, I guess it all geyser-ed out. She simultaneously laughed in a forced, high volume crazy person laugh, knocked off my hat and gouged at my eyes. She connected a pretty deep scratch right under my eye, and instinctively I pushed her off my face. I was so shocked at her behavior, I said on wavering breath, "LOGAN! I can't believe you just did that! On purpose! You really hurt my eye. Get in your room until you can apologize and be a nice girl!" I know she didn't even comprehend what she was doing/did, her automatic tears and embarrassment related that. She bellowed loudly and streaked to her room. The other two kiddos were as dumb founded as I was, wide eyed and mouths slack, looking back and forth between us and then at me, in amazement.


Logan may not be the most adjusted kid when it comes to "sibling rivalry", but she is good at listening to me when her emotions surprise her, thankfully. It took her all of a minute to come back out, fully repenting and apologetic for what she did. I took the opportunity to tell her-and the other two girls-that it's A-OK for me, her mom (an in essence their mom, as they have to share 2x over what Logan does) to have friends, to show affection and to spend time with other people. She's my number one, and she gets me (give or take) 89% of the time. There's no reason to be jealous, no reason to think I don't love her. I'm allowed, as she is, to have fun no matter how out of place it seems with others in the mix. The three listened, and really understood, I think. From then on out, I was more conscious of her feelings and attention meter, as she was of mine and theirs. Maybe she realized that she does have it good, only having to compete with others rarely, not daily. It was not for nothing, so it was worth it. Worth it, even as I cursed under my breath with every absent minded brush against the puffy red abrasion. Eye wounds are no joke, even if given by a kindergartner. Good to know.


After they said goodbye, and we reflected on an enjoyable but tiring week, I asked Logan if she missed the brood we had just bonded with. "No." she said pointedly and firmly. I knew that was a lie, as she tries to be brave and ignore messy emotion at all costs, this one. Then later that night as we cleaned-up before bed time, she said as authentically and casually as I've ever heard her say anything, "I miss Dom and Kenzie and Kaitlyn." as she picked up her stuffed animals and collected crayons. I'm proud of her for admitting it, and for letting herself be realistic about those fun little thorns in her side. I miss them too, but can't say I do of the green-eyed monster that left with them. But I do know, that if he never made a cameo, I wouldn't be doing my job too well. So I'll deal, and do my best to look at her most often, if not all the time.